I swear to everything holy, I am about to lose my mind. I’m young, I’m inexperienced, I get it. But this is getting ridiculous. I’m not sure if it’s Colorado barbers or simply the attitude towards new barbers in general. Cursed to eternally start off at some crap-show of spotty haircuts and bright yellow bleach stripes, this is the last thing I wanted.
I will admit at times I doubt my abilities and think I deserve to work at some place like that. Deep down, I know I could never be happy at a place like Super Cuts. I desire to create, not blend in with the crowd. I don’t want to live my career bowing to a corporate giant. I want to cut hair for a small business, someone who truly understands what it’s like to work. But starting off in a place like that is a false representation of 90% of barbers coming out of beauty school. I think of all the people I went to school with, I’ve known about 5 to actually start off working for themselves or a small business. Most start off at Great Clips, Floyds Barbershop, Veda Salon, or a branch of Veda Salon. All Corporations, all ripping the creativity out of the profession.
This week has been a mass whirlwind of disappointment and distress as yet another barbershop turns me down. The other one I was talking to never called me back. This is getting out of hand. I shove my pride into my back pocket and pick myself back up. I am cautiously applying to those stupid corporate businesses. Super Cuts, Great Clips, and Floyds. My loan payments are due in July. When I say that I am going to lose my mind, I truly mean it. When they told me adulthood sucks, they weren’t kidding. This is like when the video gets stuck in the VCR and you’re trying to get it out without ruining the film (usually involving a butter knife and a pencil). This is like when you plug your phone in to charge overnight only to find out it wasn’t plugged into the wall and you have 5% to run on for the rest of the day. This is like when you’re carrying laundry and drop a sock so you bend over to pick up the sock and drop the entire load.
What kook decided to only hire people with experience. I can’t get experience till I get hired. Talk about the worst catch 22 ever. Sure, maybe in a couple years I’ll be able to inspire someone with my testimony of struggles but going through it is the hard part. Do I continue to try to get noticed by smaller barbershops that are high on creativity or do I shrivel to the level of mediocrity that is almighty Great Clips? I am drowning in debt and I am desperate for a break. All I desire is for someone to take a chance on me.
It’s hard to trust God in times like these. I can’t seem to get out of my head. I try to fix it, try to control every outcome but life does whatever it wants at the expense of my peace. At least I’m not a faker. At least I’m not faking my emotions. At least I’m still able to pick myself up, brush off the dirt, and keep pushing towards something better.
I have to admit though, I can’t stay motivated 100% of the time. No one can. It’s impossible for humans to be determined in achieving long-term goals every second of every day. Our priorities shift, we find solace in Netflix and reading blog posts (gotcha haha). As much as I want to focus on my future, I find it drifting farther and farther away from my expectations every day.
One of the ways I recenter is listening to music, something with lyrics I can connect with. I know some people don’t prefer that but whatever. Lyrics that stir my heart help me find my voice when I’m upset. The job opportunity that I just lost? It hurt. Really bad. Sure the pitter-patter of the rain outside my window is soothing to an extent but what truly brings me back is someone else relating to my pain thru music.
It doesn’t matter if we wish for something hard enough, it won’t make it happen. We have to put in the work. It looks different for everyone. For me, it means giving the results to God. No matter what happens, I’m going to trust that His plans for my life are much bigger than I can imagine. Maybe working at Great Clips isn’t that bad. I’ve been stuck in bad jobs before. What’s one more if it means I get to gain experience and be able to get my dream job some day?
I feel like Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride screaming “I am going back to the beginning” while slobbering drunk and swinging a sword wildly. It be like that sometimes. Will I apply to more places? Sure. Will I complain the whole time? Most likely. Let’s do this.